Blogger and Google have decided that from the 30th June2013 adult content and adverts to adult sites will be removed.
A lot of bloggers will be affected and like many of them I am moving to my own site. I am not sure how long it will take and I know that the self hosting option is going to cause some very adult language but this is the only way I can see my journey continuing on the internet.
New site will be at ghostgirl2001com.
xGGx
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Of Cysts and Surgery
For a long time I have advocated women checking their breasts regularly. I have even been know to get mine out to get the message across.
Check your boobs, the earlier lumps are found the better your chances of treatment being successful. If you do not know how make an appointment with the nurse at your local surgery and ask them to show you.
check your boobs every month
I do and earlier this year I experienced the fear that thousands do every year. I found a lump, distinct, moving under pressure lump. Within 2 days I was stood in the GP's surgery being told it was abnormal and I was being referred to the Fast Track breast care service. Two weeks of worry, two weeks of wondering what was going to happen to me and my children.
I was due to visit the hospital on the Monday afternoon, on Friday evening my cat, constant companion since she arrived in my life as an 8 week old kitten too young to be away from mum, wobbled and lost her footing on flat ground, then she peed on the floor. I had to accept that after 18 years the time had come to say goodbye. She had the weekend with us, getting lots of fuss.
Monday morning she and I made the trip to the vets, she was wrapped in a blanker fed fish and given the injection which ended her pain and released her from the suffering. I took her home and she is now at rest in a sunny part of the garden.
Then I was getting my boobs out to have a mammogram.
For those who have not had the pleasure it is uncomfortable but not painful. one breast at a time is compressed between 2 plates so an x-ray can be taken. Then on to ultra sound, the Doctor was lovely, she carefully scanned the affected breast. There on the screen in front of me were 2 clear dark voids that shouldn't have been there. I was lucky they were cysts, one was drained there and then but the other was out of reach. friday I did another check and have discovered that the cyst is once again at the surface tomorrow I go back to the doctor.
I healed quickly but still wasn't feeling right, I was tired and had sharp stomach pains. The kind that have you doubled up unable to do anything until it passed. I ignored it, I was too busy with life to take time out. In the end I had no choice, a ride in an ambulance ended in A&E. I was poked, prodded, stabbed with needles and had a cannula inserted by a medical student. Tests showed that I had an inflamed gallbladder.
Overnight admission and I was expecting to go home the next day, didn't happen. A porter appeared with a wheel chair to take me for an ultra sound. I felt every bump and jolt, by the time he parked me in the waiting area I was almost in tears. Staff from there immediately transferred me to a trolley.
People moan about the NHS and how long they have to wait, I was there less than 5 minutes before being taken to a scan room. I don't remember much more til I got back to the ward, as I was being transferred from trolley to bed a senior doctor stuck his head round the corner and very cheerfully announced 'I think we will have that out'.
He did, within a few hours I was in theatre, parting company with a very septic gallbladder which was on the verge of bursting.
I am still recovering but I have learned a valuable lesson, I am no good to anyone else if I am sick. Taking care of me isn't selfish - it is in every member of my family's interest that I am well enough to do all the things I normally do.
xGGx
Saturday, 22 June 2013
A Rant - but close to my heart...
Defending the rights of women to determine their own destiny. I chose to continue a pregnancy with was only going to end in tears. But I had a choice, I could have legally had a late termination. I will stand and defend the rights of any woman to make that same choice for herself.
Abortion needs to be available to those who need it. Richard Carvath aims to take that right away from all women, he sees no difference between a woman for whom contraception has failed, a woman coming to terms with the news her unborn baby is dying inside her, a woman who is carrying a child who is very disabled or a woman who is pregnant as the result of rape.
Expecting a rape victim to continue with a pregnancy is inhumane, it serves only to prolong her violation.
The society he seeks to build will put women back into the position of being 2nd class citizens, of being without rights over their own bodies.
We will have a 2 tier system of health care for women, those who can afford to find good medical care underground or go abroad for help and those who, out of desperation, risk their lives or future fertility by having a back street abortion. A return to unsanitary conditions and women dying needlessly.
How many more films like Vera Drake will it take for us to remember the horriffic butchery that passed for medical care prior to abortion being legalised for all, not just the wealthy who could pull strings and make their 'problems' vanish into thin air?
Defending the rights of women to determine their own destiny. I chose to continue a pregnancy with was only going to end in tears. But I had a choice, I could have legally had a late termination. I will stand and defend the rights of any woman to make that same choice for herself.
Abortion needs to be available to those who need it. Richard Carvath aims to take that right away from all women, he sees no difference between a woman for whom contraception has failed, a woman coming to terms with the news her unborn baby is dying inside her, a woman who is carrying a child who is very disabled or a woman who is pregnant as the result of rape.
Expecting a rape victim to continue with a pregnancy is inhumane, it serves only to prolong her violation.
The society he seeks to build will put women back into the position of being 2nd class citizens, of being without rights over their own bodies.
We will have a 2 tier system of health care for women, those who can afford to find good medical care underground or go abroad for help and those who, out of desperation, risk their lives or future fertility by having a back street abortion. A return to unsanitary conditions and women dying needlessly.
How many more films like Vera Drake will it take for us to remember the horriffic butchery that passed for medical care prior to abortion being legalised for all, not just the wealthy who could pull strings and make their 'problems' vanish into thin air?
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Very short post, I have just sat and read the most amazing parenting blog, Raising My Rainbow and had to share.
Huge amount of respect for a family who accept and nuture a creative gender child. As a mum I know how hard it is to raise a child who is different in some way. As a family we are trying to get my eldest assessed and recognised as being 'on the spectrum'. The Autistic Spectrum. The difficulty comes from her being the 'wrong' gender to have ASD in any form.
Huge amount of respect for a family who accept and nuture a creative gender child. As a mum I know how hard it is to raise a child who is different in some way. As a family we are trying to get my eldest assessed and recognised as being 'on the spectrum'. The Autistic Spectrum. The difficulty comes from her being the 'wrong' gender to have ASD in any form.
Friday, 11 January 2013
Doc Johnson Wonderland Pleasurepillar 10 Function Silicone Vibrator
I was sent this as a tester by Lovehoney and would normally write a review quickly but this one had me puzzled.
The Alice in Wonderland themed packaging is lovely. For a company which usually uses cheap looking plastic it was a revelation. The box looks very much like a book, making this a great idea for a gift.
On opening the colour is fantastic. I dislike pink toys and this is an unusual and intense colour.
From there it went downhill and very quickly. The vibrations are too weak for me and the shape was wrong. The Pleasurepillar wouldn't and couldn't hit my G-spot if it had a target painted on it. I have tried this twice and both times I got so frustrated by the weak vibrations I have given up on it and reached for an alternative.
Cleaning the Pleasurepillar is not as easy as it could be. The bumps in the vibe needed careful attention to get them clean, I would be concerned about anything lurking in the grooves after cleaning.
Overall concept and colour are great but form and function let this vibe down badly.
Not a toy I would recommend.
xGGx
I was sent this as a tester by Lovehoney and would normally write a review quickly but this one had me puzzled.
The Alice in Wonderland themed packaging is lovely. For a company which usually uses cheap looking plastic it was a revelation. The box looks very much like a book, making this a great idea for a gift.
On opening the colour is fantastic. I dislike pink toys and this is an unusual and intense colour.
From there it went downhill and very quickly. The vibrations are too weak for me and the shape was wrong. The Pleasurepillar wouldn't and couldn't hit my G-spot if it had a target painted on it. I have tried this twice and both times I got so frustrated by the weak vibrations I have given up on it and reached for an alternative.
Cleaning the Pleasurepillar is not as easy as it could be. The bumps in the vibe needed careful attention to get them clean, I would be concerned about anything lurking in the grooves after cleaning.
Overall concept and colour are great but form and function let this vibe down badly.
Not a toy I would recommend.
xGGx
Getting back into the swing of things.
The tail end of 2012 has been a long spiral downwards for me, in November I hit rock bottom. Very few friends and none of my extended family know but I got caught lining up an attempt to end things. I was found with a pile of pills, some say suicide is a selfish act and in some ways it is: you are not thinking of others and the effect you will have on their lives. You are not thinking at all.
There was a black hole into which I had fallen and couldn't climb out of, every effort resulted in the sides crumbling away.
I am lucky I have a supportive partner, who understands and didn't read the riot act along with a new GP who listens. The start of 2013 has been a more positive one with effective antidepressants leveling my moods. Unfortunately they have stopped my sex drive in its tracks.
I am getting back to being me, taking time out for me. Spending time with the people who are important to me. I have written my first review in six months, it was a tough one to write but I found enjoyment in writing again.
So watch out world GG is back.
xGGx
The tail end of 2012 has been a long spiral downwards for me, in November I hit rock bottom. Very few friends and none of my extended family know but I got caught lining up an attempt to end things. I was found with a pile of pills, some say suicide is a selfish act and in some ways it is: you are not thinking of others and the effect you will have on their lives. You are not thinking at all.
There was a black hole into which I had fallen and couldn't climb out of, every effort resulted in the sides crumbling away.
I am lucky I have a supportive partner, who understands and didn't read the riot act along with a new GP who listens. The start of 2013 has been a more positive one with effective antidepressants leveling my moods. Unfortunately they have stopped my sex drive in its tracks.
I am getting back to being me, taking time out for me. Spending time with the people who are important to me. I have written my first review in six months, it was a tough one to write but I found enjoyment in writing again.
So watch out world GG is back.
xGGx
Sunday, 22 July 2012
It has been a while since I posted on here. Why? Well sometimes you just have to get on with life and there is no time for anything else.
I feel like I am loosing one of the most important people in my life. You only get one Mum and mine isn't doing so good. The woman who has been my rock through good and bad is getting forgetful and aggressive. Getting her to admit that she has a problem and needs to see her GP is a battle I am loosing.
The thing is I know, my Dad knows and the GP knows that something is wrong. Mum knows something is wrong but no one wants to use the D word. Dementia. Early onset Dementia. There said it, got it out but still have no idea how I tell the smart woman who raised me and supported me through the worst times in my life that she is likely to forget who I am. I have been down this path before, a Grand mother who couldn't remember any of us. That was hard enough but this is tearing me apart.
The stress of dealing with the issue is having an effect on the rest of my life, on my children and on my sex life. I have to be grateful that I have a partner who understands even makes light of it. British black humour at it's best.
So if I go quiet it is not because I am bored of blogging, not because I have run out of things to say. My journey continues but at a different pace and sometimes the route changes and we take a detour.
xGGx
I feel like I am loosing one of the most important people in my life. You only get one Mum and mine isn't doing so good. The woman who has been my rock through good and bad is getting forgetful and aggressive. Getting her to admit that she has a problem and needs to see her GP is a battle I am loosing.
The thing is I know, my Dad knows and the GP knows that something is wrong. Mum knows something is wrong but no one wants to use the D word. Dementia. Early onset Dementia. There said it, got it out but still have no idea how I tell the smart woman who raised me and supported me through the worst times in my life that she is likely to forget who I am. I have been down this path before, a Grand mother who couldn't remember any of us. That was hard enough but this is tearing me apart.
The stress of dealing with the issue is having an effect on the rest of my life, on my children and on my sex life. I have to be grateful that I have a partner who understands even makes light of it. British black humour at it's best.
So if I go quiet it is not because I am bored of blogging, not because I have run out of things to say. My journey continues but at a different pace and sometimes the route changes and we take a detour.
xGGx
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Seven Creations - Lust fingers.
This is the first time I have written a totally negative review, no apology for doing so now. I purchase these because sometimes fingers are not enough but I am not in the mood for a toy.
The packaging is a basic card and plastic blister pack, no problems there and no graphic porn star like pictures to put you off. Once you open it the problems hit you in the nose. Quite literally. These things stink. I washed them and left to air dry. The bathroom stank of a sharp chemically smell. I left them longer but even after a couple of weeks the smell was unbearable.
Getting past the smell issue, if these were designed for a woman's hands then the design team need to get their measuring sticks out. They are way too big for my fingers both in length and internal diameter. There is a lot of wiggle room, as in easily falling off.
Texture wise, the purple bumpy one is hard against the skin on my wrist, too harsh to be comfortable, the pink ribbed one feels softer. I cannot tell you how they feel in use because there is no way they are coming into contact with my clit.
Overall I hated the colour, texture, size and smell. This product has no redeeming features.
This is the first time I have written a totally negative review, no apology for doing so now. I purchase these because sometimes fingers are not enough but I am not in the mood for a toy.
The packaging is a basic card and plastic blister pack, no problems there and no graphic porn star like pictures to put you off. Once you open it the problems hit you in the nose. Quite literally. These things stink. I washed them and left to air dry. The bathroom stank of a sharp chemically smell. I left them longer but even after a couple of weeks the smell was unbearable.
Getting past the smell issue, if these were designed for a woman's hands then the design team need to get their measuring sticks out. They are way too big for my fingers both in length and internal diameter. There is a lot of wiggle room, as in easily falling off.
Texture wise, the purple bumpy one is hard against the skin on my wrist, too harsh to be comfortable, the pink ribbed one feels softer. I cannot tell you how they feel in use because there is no way they are coming into contact with my clit.
Overall I hated the colour, texture, size and smell. This product has no redeeming features.
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Chilling Out
The amazing Nymphomaniac Nes has launched Toy With Me Tuesday. A fun way to get creative and explore the imagery around sex toys.
So here is mine, a favourite toy chilling out ready to send delicious shivers down my spine and make me shudder.
The toy is Lovehoney Ribbed Orgasmic Glass Dildo 8 Inch
See who else has contributed
Monday, 4 June 2012
Her Majazzle Diamante Jubilee Crown Jewels
The Majazzle is 4cm x 4.5cm so small enough to be discreet but large enough to be seen and get attention when you want it. The packaging is basic and Britannia themed, the instructions included are clear and easy to follow.
Your skin needs to be clean and dry so after a shower it was, but before any body lotion. The glue won't stick if you do. The design of the Majazzle means it has to be slowly peeled from the backing. It came off in one piece, applying it was surprisingly easy. Just put into place and press down with the backing sheet for 10 seconds. Mine has survived a day out, a photo session and the attention it got from the OH.
I deliberately didn't place this on my pubis mound, for 2 reasons. Firstly I wanted a boob shot for the photos and secondly I would be genuinely concerned about the gems irritating my skin. I have sensitive skin which sometimes reacts badly to shaving and having gems glued on shaven skin would worry me. I was right to be concerned, when I removed the majazzle after 24 hours I has a crown shape of tiny red dots on my boob. These faded quickly but the skin was irritated for a while.
Overall I am happy with this, it is fun, flirty and easy to use.
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Sinful Sunday - A Boobilee
This weekend Sinful Sunday and the Twitter based campaign to raise breast cancer awareness, @feelemfriday are using the same theme. I wanted to create an image I could use for both.
For me Sinful Sunday is a fun way to raise my self confidence, while FeelemFriday is a serious attempt to get men and women to check themselves for changes, so many people miss the message in the official campaigns run by cancer charities that if the Feelem team get just one person, male or female, to check themselves in time to seek treatment it be a success.
See who else is playing this week
Thursday, 17 May 2012
I won the Happy Rabbit Natural on a Twitter give away, it arrived quickly as is normal for Lovehoney.
The Happy Rabbit comes in a slip cover over a tasteful and classy black box. There is nothing on the inside box which screams sex toy so it is perfect for storing your new best friend. Inside the rabbit and charger nestle in a plastic insert along with a high quality drawstring storage bag.
The Happy Rabbit needs 6 hours of charge before first use but there were no flashing lights just a discrete light at the base which changes to green for go when fully charged.
The controls on the rabbit are simple big button for the shaft, little button for the clit stim. I own other rabbits and I like them however I was glad to see the end of the pearls inside the rotating shaft design. For two reasons: firstly the noise levels are usually high secondly and most important I find the rotation unpleasantly uncomfortable.
Happy Rabbit has no pearls and is very quiet in use, I made more noise than the toy. This rabbit takes solo pleasure to a whole new level for me. I used just a little Pjure Woman Toy Lube, the shaft was easy to insert and the ears hit the correct spot, no more having to trim the ears because they are too long and miss. The three motors in this toy are powerful and quiet, within minutes I was on my knees and orgasming.
Cleaning was easy, the toy is splashproof so can be cleaned with soap and water. While cleaning I did notice a seam in the silicone shaft of the rabbit but hadn’t noticed it in use so feel sure it isn’t a problem.
I would recommend this rabbit to any woman, regardless of their experience with sextoys.
xGGx
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
PicoBong Koa
This was sent to me as a tester by Lovehoney
This vibe is very small and the quietest I have used. Running on the highest speed in the bedroom it couldn't be heard from the ensuite. Perfect if you share a house or live with nosey relatives.
Originally when I tried it my initial reaction was that the vibrations were strong with a good range of patterns so there would be one to suit most women. However on further testing, although not too many times I have been frustrated at the lack of power and needed to change to another bullet to finish the job.
The smooth curved end makes a great handle, so even when well lubed you can keep a good grip.
The Koa is advertised as a couples toy. We didn't test it as such mainly because the curved plastic end has very little give in it and is not particularly large. I am not sure that it would make a comfortable cock ring for anyone of average girth and to be brutally honest there was no way I was going to inflict that on my partner.
The packaging was also a let down. Priced at almost £30 I would expect a storage bag or at the very least a box that I could keep in order to store the toy. The box split when I opened it and the vibe is held in place with a small card insert which I couldn't reuse to store the toy.
Overall the Koa is a weak clitoral vibe although almost silent, but it is fiddly to use, the control buttons are hiden in the name and with lots of lube on it are difficult to find and push. The other big issue I had was that I found it difficult to clean due to the embossed PicoBong name on the silicone part. Time to get graphic, the embossed area attracts cum and lube, if the toy isn't cleaned immediately it dries into the embossing. As someone who likes to go to sleep after a good orgasm I need toys that are easy to clean when things have dried on them. This isn't.
For the new range from Lelo I have to say I expected a lot more and was a little disappointed.
xGGx
This was sent to me as a tester by Lovehoney
This vibe is very small and the quietest I have used. Running on the highest speed in the bedroom it couldn't be heard from the ensuite. Perfect if you share a house or live with nosey relatives.
Originally when I tried it my initial reaction was that the vibrations were strong with a good range of patterns so there would be one to suit most women. However on further testing, although not too many times I have been frustrated at the lack of power and needed to change to another bullet to finish the job.
The smooth curved end makes a great handle, so even when well lubed you can keep a good grip.
The Koa is advertised as a couples toy. We didn't test it as such mainly because the curved plastic end has very little give in it and is not particularly large. I am not sure that it would make a comfortable cock ring for anyone of average girth and to be brutally honest there was no way I was going to inflict that on my partner.
The packaging was also a let down. Priced at almost £30 I would expect a storage bag or at the very least a box that I could keep in order to store the toy. The box split when I opened it and the vibe is held in place with a small card insert which I couldn't reuse to store the toy.
Overall the Koa is a weak clitoral vibe although almost silent, but it is fiddly to use, the control buttons are hiden in the name and with lots of lube on it are difficult to find and push. The other big issue I had was that I found it difficult to clean due to the embossed PicoBong name on the silicone part. Time to get graphic, the embossed area attracts cum and lube, if the toy isn't cleaned immediately it dries into the embossing. As someone who likes to go to sleep after a good orgasm I need toys that are easy to clean when things have dried on them. This isn't.
For the new range from Lelo I have to say I expected a lot more and was a little disappointed.
xGGx
Monday, 7 May 2012
Rene Rofe Crotchless Lace French Knickers with Ribbon Ties
These arrived quickly after being ordered, as is normal for Lovehoney. The packaging is simple throwaway plastic, nothing to embarrass you if the dustmen see it.
First impressions: I loved the fabric and the way it felt, wasn't sure about the ribbon ties. The way they join the fabric didn't look very strong. They fitted well and for me the sizing was right.
Wore these on a trip to see BF, they were comfortable and easy to forget that they were 'naughty' knickers, even during a 20 minute drive. It took him a while to realise what these were but the look on his face was worth the cost of buying them. Oh and the ribbon ties held up to a long session so no worries about them for next time.
The knickers were washed by hand and have washed well, which is always worth considering when spending £10.99 on a pair.
Overall I would recommend these as a first pair of crotchless knickers.
xGGx
These arrived quickly after being ordered, as is normal for Lovehoney. The packaging is simple throwaway plastic, nothing to embarrass you if the dustmen see it.
First impressions: I loved the fabric and the way it felt, wasn't sure about the ribbon ties. The way they join the fabric didn't look very strong. They fitted well and for me the sizing was right.
Wore these on a trip to see BF, they were comfortable and easy to forget that they were 'naughty' knickers, even during a 20 minute drive. It took him a while to realise what these were but the look on his face was worth the cost of buying them. Oh and the ribbon ties held up to a long session so no worries about them for next time.
The knickers were washed by hand and have washed well, which is always worth considering when spending £10.99 on a pair.
Overall I would recommend these as a first pair of crotchless knickers.
xGGx
Sunday, 6 May 2012
Saturday, 5 May 2012
I am going to steal another song lyric and apologise to another band. Sorry Tesla.
Now, if you can imagine this, the whole world sharing one big kiss
These are thoughts all through my brain, that I daydream everyday
That I'm alive and well, and right now, I'm alive, I'm feeling...well
It's my life to live my way, so I'll keep daydreaming away
And who knows, maybe someday, it will all come true
And I will get my way, and we will live as one
These are thoughts all through my brain, that I daydream everyday
That I'm alive and well, and right now, I'm alive, I'm feeling...well
It's my life to live my way, so I'll keep daydreaming away
And who knows, maybe someday, it will all come true
And I will get my way, and we will live as one
I remember how frustrating it was as a mature single woman trying to buy my first sex toy. I didn’t have any friends I could discuss it with and had no idea of where to start. Like I usually do when I am stuck I turned to the internet.
I was still confused, bewildered at the choice and truth be told embarrassed that this is what I was resorting to. I finally chose a rabbit, the Rampant Rabbit Aqua, with it an RO 80 bullet.
The rabbit was a disappointment and rarely sees the light of day. The bullet died from overuse but has been replaced by another and several of the larger RO bullets. Given the fact that this rabbit really didn’t do it for me I might have given up, but then I found a website where products are reviewed honestly by customers. All reviews seem to make it onto the site, even the negative ones.
I spent time reading before I spent any more money. Reading the reviews was a revelation. I no longer felt a freak for needing to use sextoys even when I met my partner they stayed as part of our sexual experience. I started to add some of my own reviews, as my collection grew so did my confidence.
When I started my blog I made a very deliberate decision to mix posts about me, my life and my experiences with reviews of sextoys and lingerie. The reason, if it helps just one person to find the right toy for them then it was worth it. Giving one woman the information and advice with which to improve their sexlife
xGGx
Friday, 4 May 2012
If you could go back and do it all again.
Inspired by a forum post.
Dear 16 year old self,
Life seems kind of tough right now but keep going, The things which life throws at you will make you a stronger, better person. It turns you into a woman who is independent, smart, hardworking, fun and sexy. All the things that you admire, in the popular girls, but don't yet see in yourself.
Take the opportunities which come your way, the crap jobs, the crap relationship (walk away from that one when the time comes with no regrets and your head held high, it was the right choice to make and he finds his soul mate in someone else). You will be alone and lonely for a while but he would have stifled you. Holding on to you too tightly, like holding a butterfly it damages your wings. Without him you fly again.
These experiences prepare you for the hardest journey you will ever take.
For becoming a Mum to an angel, for becoming a Mum to 2 survivors, for loving and losing the man you thought you would grow old with. The choices you make for him earn you the respect you don't feel you will ever get. Even Dad eventually has to express some parental pride and makes it clear he respects the way you made the hardest of choices. Don't be afraid of those choices, everything you do is done in his best interests. Stand your ground about taking the children to see him in hospital, they will barely remember him in a few short years so every memory is precious to them.
That part of your journey is hard and you will fall apart afterwards.
You do pick yourself up and with that comes a man who will finally bring out the best in you, who makes you feel special and sexy. Who gives you the confidence to finally overcome the body image issues you have now. Who will take the naughty pictures you post on line. The man who introduces you to the kinky side of you that you hadn't seen up until then. He has his faults, but embrace them, they are part of what makes him special to you.
You will come to a place where you like yourself.
oh and teaching isn't for you but enjoy University it teaches you a lot about people.
With love your 42 year old self
So with appologies to Hinder
xGGx
Inspired by a forum post.
Dear 16 year old self,
Life seems kind of tough right now but keep going, The things which life throws at you will make you a stronger, better person. It turns you into a woman who is independent, smart, hardworking, fun and sexy. All the things that you admire, in the popular girls, but don't yet see in yourself.
Take the opportunities which come your way, the crap jobs, the crap relationship (walk away from that one when the time comes with no regrets and your head held high, it was the right choice to make and he finds his soul mate in someone else). You will be alone and lonely for a while but he would have stifled you. Holding on to you too tightly, like holding a butterfly it damages your wings. Without him you fly again.
These experiences prepare you for the hardest journey you will ever take.
For becoming a Mum to an angel, for becoming a Mum to 2 survivors, for loving and losing the man you thought you would grow old with. The choices you make for him earn you the respect you don't feel you will ever get. Even Dad eventually has to express some parental pride and makes it clear he respects the way you made the hardest of choices. Don't be afraid of those choices, everything you do is done in his best interests. Stand your ground about taking the children to see him in hospital, they will barely remember him in a few short years so every memory is precious to them.
That part of your journey is hard and you will fall apart afterwards.
You do pick yourself up and with that comes a man who will finally bring out the best in you, who makes you feel special and sexy. Who gives you the confidence to finally overcome the body image issues you have now. Who will take the naughty pictures you post on line. The man who introduces you to the kinky side of you that you hadn't seen up until then. He has his faults, but embrace them, they are part of what makes him special to you.
You will come to a place where you like yourself.
oh and teaching isn't for you but enjoy University it teaches you a lot about people.
With love your 42 year old self
So with appologies to Hinder
Go for it
Run toward it
Dive in head first
Live life with no regret
Put your heart out there
Don't be scared you might get hurt
But it's all worth it in the end
Cause the best is yet to come (Yeah yeah)
Run toward it
Dive in head first
Live life with no regret
Put your heart out there
Don't be scared you might get hurt
But it's all worth it in the end
Cause the best is yet to come (Yeah yeah)
xGGx
Wednesday, 25 April 2012
Finding a soul mate....
I was alone and lonely, then a friend laughingly suggested online dating. I signed up to OkCupid all the while thinking that it was a major waste of time. For anyone not familiar with the site they ask loads of questions about all sorts of things: relationships, religion, sex and politics then they calculate your compatibility with other people on the site.
I looked at profiles of guys who were 85%+ matches and felt – nothing. I got my share of emails, most made me chuckle. Did I want to be a sub in a s/D relationship? Argh no, I was vanilla although that wasn’t a phrase I was familiar with at the time. A 22yr old who wanted no strings sex, I did think about it but too far to travel and truth be told not what I was looking for. I also got the male version of the girls from the old Soviet Union wanting a visa, only these all seemed to be from Morocco or Algeria.
Then I got a message from a guy, younger than I was looking for and with a compatibility rating of 35%, according to the site we had nothing in common. Yet from the start we clicked, online and when we finally got to meet the chemistry was instant, overpowering and unquestionable.
I quickly put aside old habits and what followed was great sex and the first steps down the road to kinkdom. Within a few months he had moved in and my journey continues.
From the outside looking in we shouldn’t work. We are so different yet for the things that matter we think the same. We find the same things funny, like the same music, watch the same movies and have the same open minded view of life.
One thing he has taught me is not to judge other peoples’ relationships no one has the right to do that. We cannot help who we are or who we fall for.
xGGx
I was alone and lonely, then a friend laughingly suggested online dating. I signed up to OkCupid all the while thinking that it was a major waste of time. For anyone not familiar with the site they ask loads of questions about all sorts of things: relationships, religion, sex and politics then they calculate your compatibility with other people on the site.
I looked at profiles of guys who were 85%+ matches and felt – nothing. I got my share of emails, most made me chuckle. Did I want to be a sub in a s/D relationship? Argh no, I was vanilla although that wasn’t a phrase I was familiar with at the time. A 22yr old who wanted no strings sex, I did think about it but too far to travel and truth be told not what I was looking for. I also got the male version of the girls from the old Soviet Union wanting a visa, only these all seemed to be from Morocco or Algeria.
Then I got a message from a guy, younger than I was looking for and with a compatibility rating of 35%, according to the site we had nothing in common. Yet from the start we clicked, online and when we finally got to meet the chemistry was instant, overpowering and unquestionable.
I quickly put aside old habits and what followed was great sex and the first steps down the road to kinkdom. Within a few months he had moved in and my journey continues.
From the outside looking in we shouldn’t work. We are so different yet for the things that matter we think the same. We find the same things funny, like the same music, watch the same movies and have the same open minded view of life.
One thing he has taught me is not to judge other peoples’ relationships no one has the right to do that. We cannot help who we are or who we fall for.
xGGx
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